The midterm’s behind us; the outcome historic – and brother, it sure was a doozy.
We may not have won everything that we ran for, but some were a little less lose-y.
To mark the occasion, I made an appearance; a rare one conducting a presser.
Reporters had so many questions to ask me, and some I sure wish had asked lesser.
I started by listing the contests I won, even though other names on the ballot.
I spoke about Oprah; she’s someone I like – but perhaps I do not please her palate.
I ran through a list of incumbents who lost re-election; they did not embrace me.
And even though Dems brought celebrities in to campaign, no one else can replace me.
I even gave credit to Nancy Pelosi, and said she should stay as the Speaker.
She’s got her hands full since within her own party so many are keen to critique her.
The Dems in the Senate who lost were rebuked for their votes against my choice for Justice:
Donnelly, Heitkamp, McCaskill were lackluster – only Joe Manchin was lustrous.
Done with remarks, I invited some questions and hands shot up quickly, like rockets.
(I also made mention the GOP “won” since the Democrats had deeper pockets.)
Next thing you know, I got into a fracas with CNN’s blowhard Acosta:
When he tried to school me on what’s an invasion, I scolded him, “¡La vista hasta!”
I said I would love for my tone to be even and modest and – God forbid – boring.
Still, I could not hide my disdain for the media’s questions that I found abhorring.
When Yamiche Alcindor from PBS asked me a question, I said it was racist.
Do not ever question my motives or how I appeal to our instincts most basest.
Regarding abortion rights, I’ve a solution – but can’t take the time to explain.
No one else thought of it; here’s a quick preview: as far as sex goes, please abstain.
I brought up Crimea and blamed annexation on Barack Obama’s regime.
No matter how much I claim I’m tough on Putin, the media just says, “Pipe dream.”
The murder of Jews and the rise of hate crimes? It’s a problem we’re going to solve.
And then I went off on a tangent and somehow the trade war with China’s involved.
“A great moral leader,” I said that I was, while ignoring all claims of suppression,
Then dashed from the East Wing to keep an appointment and finally fire Jeff Sessions.
Today for a minute, perhaps, my approach could be thought as conciliatory;
Then I moved so quickly to toss my A.G. – don’t accuse me of being dilatory.
I so want to shut down the WITCH HUNT before Congress wraps up this session, a lame duck.
I wonder how many votes cast for me yesterday people now find they’re ashamed of.