Xi’s A Lady (Whoa, Whoa, Whoa)

Xi and I will always be friends, no matter what.
There’ll be no ifs, no ands, no buts.
Whatever happens regarding our trade
Can’t rupture the bonds of the friendship we’ve made.

He’ll take down trade barriers, because it is right.
The future between our two countries is bright.
We’ll get to a point with our taxes reciprocal,
And then all our meetings will be serendipital.

We’ll soon make a deal about intellectual
Property – solid, and not ineffectual.
Although just this morning I called our trade “STUPID,”
Our blossoming lovefest is still blessed by Cupid.

I’m sure a fantastic deal we’re gonna make,
So please disregard WaPo’s headlines as fake.
I’m not being defiant regarding your doing;
Just bow to my will and it’s back to the wooing.

Your commerce spokesperson has said that you’ll fight
If there is a trade war. Hey, babe, that ain’t right.
I know all our farmers will stand firm behind me.
They sell you soybeans and… what else? Please remind me.

You’ll be making a big speech, I see on the news —
Please tell the world we’re getting matching tattoos.
There’s just no more reason for this to go on;
Come back to your senses, we’ll cuddle ‘til dawn.

Our trade’s been imbalanced, but you’re not to blame.
Some lopsided rules put in place rigged the game.
Once I can get all goods and services level?
We’ll eat chocolate cake again, you little devil.

My people say one thing while yours say another.
Let’s make it clear — we are twin sons, different mother.
Our love is forever, nowhere is it goin’.
But… breaking up brings a check from Michael Cohen.

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