U.S. Army General Gustave Perna
I’m the fellow in charge of vaccine distribution –
with just one month in, I request absolution.
I’ve said it’s my fault, with our planning in error;
I’m taking the hit as the chief bad news bearer.
I’m the one who gave guidance, approved forecast sheets,
but there’s gaps where the rubber and road really meets.
We did not plan for snowstorms, or reaching an isthmus,
and just plumb forgot about New Year’s and Christmas.
As far as our resources go, we’ll devote more
since there have been less vaccines shipped than we’d hoped for.
I think we’ll soon see a great increase in uptake.
And what’s Trump’s reaction? Oh, he’s been a cupcake.
He says it’s the fault of the states things are lagging –
their job to administer; stop the foot-dragging.
But since I’m the one who’s in charge of supply chain,
the onus is mine, so Trump’s not sharing my pain.
The Science Advisor for Warp Speed announced (shit –
I won’t say his name since I cannot pronounce it)
he’d welcome assistance and any ideas.
(Now, you won’t be paid – but don’t ask what his fee is.)
He said there’ll be broad public access by April,
through CVS, Walgreens, and maybe at Staples.
But meanwhile, each state has established parameters,
with plans being cobbled together by amateurs.
So far, there have been many bumps in the road.
There’s been no firm guidance – and man, has it showed.
In place of a process, we’ll pray, plead and wheedle.
Let’s hope you live ‘til it’s your turn for the needle.
The Trump Poems 