From the moment I declared, and left my former life behind –
and what a life it was; so very good and filled with riches –
I’ve fought for you with tiny fists and even smaller mind,
and called protesting football players dirty sons of bitches.
I cut back regulations and I backed out of alliances,
and said our friends in Mexico would pay to fence our border.
I railed against your dishwasher and other home appliances,
and disregard injunctions while promoting law and order.
I’ve made a strong appeal to try to lure suburban housewives
as I state low-income housing would invade and pose a threat.
Fact-checkers can’t keep up as I continue to espouse lies –
like saying very quickly I’d wipe out our nation’s debt.
I’ve saved a couple million lives, if you accept the premise
that doing next to nothing was an option some thought viable.
I tossed aside the science as I downplayed the health menace.
And even if we lead in deaths, I’m certainly not liable.
I’m asking for another term – in fact, I am insisting –
while stating if I lose it’s all because of something shady.
Since moving to the White House I’ve appeared to cut back trysting,
and won’t swap out Melania for some brand-new First Lady.
Joe Biden is a horse’s ass – I mean, a horse that’s Trojan –
Please vote for me so he can’t wheel his socialism past us.
As far as trust in government: I’ve hastened its corrosion.
I guarantee my next four years will turn out more disastrous.