Brain He Lacks

I’m cognitively there, as regards mental acuity.
Test results I’m glad to share: I’m replete with ingenuity.
I took a special test and exceeded expectations;
doctors said, “Your score’s the best out of all examinations!”

They read five words from a list, then they asked me to repeat them;
also said, “Sir, we insist – there’s no need for you to tweet them.”
Then, once thirty minutes passed, they confirmed my recollection.
My performance: unsurpassed; my score: unheard-of perfection.

This proves my brain is the best out of all brains they’ve inspected.
Everyone should be impressed; I outpaced what was expected.
While I struggle with my weight and I keep on getting fatter,
about this there’s no debate: can’t find fault with my gray matter.

When compared to other Presidents, no other was as brainy
(of course, I’m the one who says it). Went ballistic on Liz Cheney
when I heard of her disdain at things she doesn’t care one whit for.
So I think, as far as brains, it’s clear Liz Cheney has got shit for.

Now we’ll wait and see if Joe, who I say is just a brick shy
of a thorough mental load, takes the test and does as slick. I
have proclaimed my strong belief that his cognition is diminished;
but I didn’t think this through – since if he passes, I am finished.