All Consuming

I’m quite a big reader and also consume:
deep-fried chicken, McDonald’s, intelligence briefings.
The first two are welcome; the last, I assume,
I’m required to, since it’s a Commander-in-Chief thing.

You bring me some ice cream, or maybe some French fries:
no question I’ll give undivided attention.
But show me a briefing – I’ll read it through clenched eyes,
yet state it’s receiving my full comprehension.

It’s clear I’m the most informed person on Earth. You
can stop laughing now; your disdain is pernicious.
I don’t miss a single trick under my purview.
(A claim I oft make – but you may be suspicious.)

I know all the best words; my hearing is quite good;
All disciplines I am self-dubbed “virtuoso.”
Where others may guess, or opine, or say “might could,”
I don’t need the facts, since in my gut I know so.

As far as this bounty – I scoff at reporting;
I call it a hoax (just one more in a series).
Another example of Fake News distorting;
what they call “conclusions,” I shake off as “theories.”

So far, my defense? About this, I was clueless.
I’ll see if it sticks, like spaghetti that’s wall-bound.
It looks like I’m turning this into a huge mess
by once again trusting a mind that’s not all sound.