Rally The Oops

(More or less to the tune of “Oh! Susanna”)

Well, I flew to Arizona
With no mask upon my face.
I was just in Oklahoma;
Turnout was a big disgrace.

I bragged about the ratings
Of my rally shown on Fox –
Even though the crowd in-person
Was 6000 or approx.

I had a dream the other night,
When everything was still:
Joe’s lead in double-digits now –
From here it’s all downhill.

When I awoke, I learned the truth:
I really am behind.
I think that means my campaign team
Will soon be realigned.

[CHORUS]
Which dolt planned the
Big rally all online?
We were scammed by teens on TikTok;
Brad Parscale may soon “resign.”

I went to praise the border wall
Of which I’ve built three miles.
And met with young conservatives,
A bunch of imbeciles.

Now, this rally was in Phoenix,
Crammed inside a mega-church.
Where the air was free from virus –
So they claimed (without research).

[CHORUS]
Where are you, Ivanka?
Been a long time but no see.
Kansas canceled your commencement speech
Because you work for me.

We do a lot of testing,
That’s what makes our case count high.
So I said, “Let’s it slow down, please,”
And, that way, less people die.

I’m against those mail-in ballots
Since I claim they’re rife with fraud.
They will come in by the millions
With a postmark from abroad.

All our citizens kept voting
During both our World Wars.
So while I’ve mailed in my ballots
I won’t let you mail in yours.

There’s a lot of names for Covid
(How’d they come up with “19”?)
I’ll keep calling it “kung flu” though
Asians find that term obscene.

[CHORUS]
Oh, Kellyanne – a
Recent plastic surgery
Can’t erase the shame upon your face
Because you work for me.

[FINAL CHORUS]
Oh, Melania
Now, don’t you cry for me.
I will find some other thing to do
Once chased out of DC.

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