Thrown Off The Per(s)cent

Now, this is just my hunch – since you know I’m no physician –
But the death rate from this virus, which is pegged at three-point-four,
Has been overstated highly. I would say my intuition
Is the number’s under one percent. All other claims: ignore.

Disregard the easy cases, where someone’s asymptomatic,
Since there’s many people who get better while at home they’re sitting.
They don’t ever see a doctor, making counting problematic.
I can see into the future to predict this – I’m not shitting.

Pay no mind to all the “experts,” since there’s no one with more insight:
I’ve got all the facts and figures right at hand – though, just between us,
I don’t need them. In all history, there’s no person who has been right
More than me, on any subject. (I’m a very stable genius.)

If you’ve got a mild case – a little headache, or the sniffles –
It’s OK to go to work. Don’t be concerned that this exposes
All your office mates. This contradicts the statements by officials
Who say stay home, notwithstanding any lack of diagnosis.

I’ll say anything to underplay the impact of this crisis:
Make up numbers; put more pressure on the Fed; claim “Vaccine’s coming!”
I’ll use sleight of hand and tap dancing and smokescreens to disguise this.
The reality of how I’ve handled this so far? It’s numbing.

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