I went for a physical – what’s it to you?
Last weekend was Part 1; next year is Part 2.
I split it up this way for sake of efficiency
And not ‘cause my immuno suffers deficiency.

You know I’m the healthiest fella who ever
Has served as your POTUS. That’s something you never
Expected to hear once you first saw my waistline:
You bury your feelings – I look like I ate mine.

With no signs of bleeding, or any of trauma,
There’s still speculation that I’d undergone a
Procedure of some sort, for reasons thought pressing,
That couldn’t be fixed with some ointment and dressing.

My spokesperson says I’ve got gusto and vigor;
Reports premature that my mortis is rigor.
I’m sure I’ll survive to see what the new year brings –
As long as I manage to live through these hearings.

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