Richard Nixon famously said, “I am not a crook.”
That appears to be the same position William Barr just took.
Special Counsel’s finished; that investigation’s toast –
Complete exoneration (by “complete” I mean “almost”).
There was no collusion, and no effort to conspire.
Russia offered stuff that we did not ask to acquire.
Robert Mueller makes it clear (all based on Barr’s retelling)
I made no such purchase of what Russia’s folks were selling.
I was quick to claim, though the report’s not yet been seen,
I am fully, totally, one-hundred-percent clean.
I’ve not read Barr’s letter; staffers offered a reduction.
Morning-after read-though: it’s a mixed word on obstruction.
Still – I’ve got the upper hand here. For me: turned out well.
Jerry Nadler and his ilk can all go straight to hell.
Now the biggest battle is if DOJ’s supplying
Unredacted copies; evidence that’s underlying.
Absence here of evidence does not mean the inverse;
Evidence on both sides meant this could have turned out worse.
My man Wiliam Barr was chosen due to his perception:
Robert Mueller’s probe based on a fatal misconception.
Now the 2020 campaign jumps into high gear.
Banners being printed: THERE WAS NO COLLUSION HERE!
Clean as baby’s bottom – that’s the viewpoint I’ll be sellin’.
Smaller print below that: Aren’t you glad he’s not a felon?
It’s a little early to conclude this ordeal’s done with,
But “exoneration” is the narrative I’ll run with.
If, in fact, the evidence suggests I’m premature,
I’ll just claim the Constitution serves as force majeure.