As long as I’m in Vietnam to hash things out with Chairman Kim,
I made a list of several other things I’d like to do with him.
Because we get along so well, agreement’s a formality.
(As long as we exclude all mention of the man’s brutality.)
After long days filled with meetings, where the pace will be quite frantic,
He and I can stroll around Hanoi – I hear it’s quite romantic.
We’ll send away our bodyguards, and paparazzi we’ll allow no –
That way we can keep our passion for each other on the down-low.
We’ll cruise along the Mekong Delta, sip champagne and snack on durian.
Leisurely enjoy our time together, with no need for hurryin’.
He’ll explain how socialism can exist with the bourgeois.
When we’re hungry I’ll snack on a Big Mac, and he’ll have some phở.
I’m told up in the mountains there’s a place the locals call “Love Market.”
Sounds like just the kind of place where Kim and I would like to park it.
Underneath the silver moon, we’ll share our very deep affections:
How we both love strongmen, and have little use for free elections.
I hear there’s an amusement park, where he and I can try our luck
And play at being “tunnel rats.” We’ll see which one of us gets stuck.
At night-time we will lie in bed and hold each other closely. In
The morning, over pancakes, he’ll speak glowingly of Ho Chi Minh.
I’ve traveled halfway ‘round the world to get here for our latest tryst.
There’s so much we won’t have time to explore that’s on my bucket list.
He’s gotten me to fall for him by playing to my vanity,
But even Chairman Kim will never make an honest man of me.