I lurched through a State of the Union address that was almost as long as my ties.
I offered some words that were true, some misstatements, and also included some lies.
For eighty-plus minutes I tried to appeal to bi-partisanship – and my base.
Mike Pence made it look like I pulled it off. As for Pelosi… did you see her face?
Ridiculous partisan probing I came out against, saying we have to choose:
Between war or peace; building walls or a crime spree; or putting to my team the screws.
I praised all the women who now serve in Congress (so many of them wearing white);
The irony lost on me – not recognizing that most are geared up for a fight.
I stated with force that I’ll get the wall built – I am pledging that I’ll make it so.
We’d be in a major war with North Korea if I had lost: IMHO.
I’ve cut regulations, created new jobs (pinning down exact number’s a hassle).
I keep making claims about violent crime that aren’t true, down in Texas: El Paso.
I made an announcement: the end of this month I will meet again with Chairman Kim.
Unlike Richard Blumenthal – I’ll go to Vietnam (how I’ll lord that over him!).
My family thought I did a wonderful job, and to celebrate they had a beer.
(Did anyone notice I got all the way through without mentioning Vladimir?)
I thought it a great speech – but not Stacey Abrams, who seemed to point out my hypocrisy.
She pushed for election reform, saying, “This is the next battle for our democracy.”
(I don’t think she meant “voter fraud.”) Anyway – my address went along at a slack pace;
But please give me credit: at least I was smart enough not to have done it in blackface.