I got everything I asked them for and then some;
The Democrats coughed up a yuuge, immense sum.
I accepted thanks from all across the nation:
I won – at least, in my imagination.
Despite all my insistence on construction,
And how I tried to paint Dems as obstruction,
The sight of all those planes stuck on the tarmac
Pushed my cries of a “crisis” pretty far back.
Just before the shutdown reached Day 35,
Mitch McConnell, out of nowhere, came alive.
Presented bills for votes but neither passed, you see;
So much for handling this iconoclastically.
The second paycheck missed sure swayed opinions,
Most painfully from some who were my minions.
It seems, surprisingly, that folks think less of me
When forced to skip a medical necessity.
When they don’t know where their next meal is coming from,
Or how to pay the rent, or get some plumbing done,
Or can’t pay for the gas to drive to where they work –
They think I’m less a leader and more so a jerk.
Once Nancy P. discovered my Achilles’ heel,
I had no choice but sign off on a lesser deal.
I strolled out afterward to claim a victory
Despite my prior statements contradictory.
I’ve put on a brave face as I now lick my wounds,
But you know how I cannot stand to be lampooned.
And if the Congress sends a package I think reeks
Then I will shut ‘er down again in three more weeks.