My name is Wilbur (like the architect on “Mr. Ed”).
I’m Commerce Secretary (even though I’m nearly dead).
I claim to be a billionaire (if you’re willing to round up).
I showed up on TV, and boy – I hope you had the sound up.
I don’t quite understand why furloughed workers feel the need
To stay in homeless shelters, or toward food banks now stampede.
It seems to me much simpler to negotiate a loan
When government will guarantee the money (please don’t groan).
Choice between a paycheck or the poorhouse – that’s not valid.
(Compare me to a ghost: which one do you think looks more pallid?)
Banks and credit unions are a furloughed worker’s friends.
So what if there’ll be interest due once this kerfuffle ends?
The President said I mis-spoke and what I meant to say
Was grocers don’t mind waiting for these laid-off folks to pay.
I later tried to clarify since I had gone off-script.
Perhaps it’s best if I just go and crawl back in my crypt.