I made it to a combat zone. It only took me two years,
We worked through the logistics (and I may have had a few fears).
We flew in Air Force One; conditions had to be pitch black.
And once we touched down, I was warmly greeted in Iraq.
We’re no longer the suckers of the world, I told the troops.
We won’t police the planet; we’ll cease jumping through those hoops.
We’ve gotten rid of ISIS; it’s no longer Us/Them versus,
And countries who insist we fight for them must reimburse us.
My visit there – a contrast to how I’m perceived domestically:
My foes go for the jugular when I behave majestically.
For every choice I made last week, it seems like I was pummeled.
So far, no signs that I’ll retreat; in fact – my down has doubled.
I said I’d own this shutdown – then I blamed it on the Dems.
This situation solely from their opposition stems.
I want the funding for a wall, of that you can be certain.
(I don’t care if they call it that, or fence, or shower curtain.)
I roiled the markets, sending tweets in which I ripped the Fed,
And then Mnuchin made some phone calls, causing further dread.
The biggest dip and then the biggest surge – who can make sense of it?
“Tremendous opportunity to buy” was my defense of it.
In just one week I made the headlines every single day.
No Christmas break for me – you all know that’s not how I play.
I thrive on all this chaos, since it serves as a distraction
And bumps off from the front page news of pending legal action.
I hoped to start the New Year with invigorating tonic,
But now comes word from Russia: their new missile’s hypersonic.
Putin says it flies so fast it cannot be destroyed,
So now I’m thinking: my side-deal with him is null and void.
The Democrats are coming in, so that’ll be contentious.
They’ll launch investigations, claiming things I’ve done – licentious.
Pick from: my tax returns, election crimes, or crushing debt.
You thought these last two years were rough? You ain’t seen nuthin’ yet…