The chance I thought I’d get to overturn Roe versus Wade
Appears to be fast-fading. Now I feel like I’ve been played.
I find it quite ironic that a judge cannot get justice –
Especially when I’m not clear exactly what the fuss is.

This high school party with five others; I sure never went to it.
I spent all of my spare time wishing I could be a Jesuit.
Stayed focused only on athletics, studies, and my service.
These accusations I claim false are making me tres nervous.

I played a lot of basketball as my extra-curricular.
Unlike all of the other boys – I did nothing testicular.
My effort most of all was being first at academics,
So I’m not sure why any of these women launched polemics.

My memories are clear concerning what I did that summer:
I wanted to get laid but couldn’t. Man, that was a bummer.
I may have done some things back then that now I’m not so proud of,
But anything remotely sexual? Wasn’t a shroud of.

This woman who claims I tried to disrobe her? I will challenge her.
I’ve offered proof of whereabouts through all my high school calendars.
I spent my free time at events that helped to mold and shape me,
And nowhere in my journals is the entry, “I feel rapey.”

And then an allegation from the time I spent at Yale.
Good thing it happened back then; otherwise I’d be in jail.
But I am not admitting anything went on between us –
Although this second woman claims I smacked her with my penis.

Now rumors of a third attack on someone else emergin’.
I couldn’t have assaulted anyone: I was a virgin.
The media and Democrats in DC and New York
All have me in their sights. Right now – I feel ya’, Robert Bork.

If any of these things had played out just as they have said,
Then all across the campus word would quickly have been spread.
It’s their word against mine, and I will claim their words are phony:
Especially without Mark Judge’s shaky testimony.

Unlike Dr. Blasey Ford, I won’t sit for a poly.
It meets no legal standard; such a test is just a folly.
Instead, I went on Fox News and I brought along wife Ashley.
Agreeing to that interview – perhaps I did so rashly.

I’ve always treated women – every one – with great respect.
Put any of them on the stand; they’ll say so on direct.
You may soon hear me say, “As God’s my witness,” for this reason:
You cannot serve the King of Holy Kings with a subpoena.

I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens on this Thursday
When all come for a hearing. I’ll have my, and she’ll have her, say.
I’ll make it to the Court if I convince all are mistaken,
But not sure I’ll survive the glares from Ruth, Sonia and Kagan.

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