In A Pence-ive Mood

I’m lurking in the background of most every photo op
A smile while gazing at the man, as if he were my Pop.
No matter what he says or does, I’m ready to embrace him
While waiting for the word from God that says I can replace him.

Above all I’m a Christian; then, conservative, and third —
I say I’m a Republican. (Distinctions all but blurred.)
I have for very long believed, with hardly any hesitancy,
The Lord my God has always planned to put me in the presidency.

As Donald Trump goes on a rampage, over this and that,
I stand beside him quietly. Sometimes I hold his hat.
I always speak supportively and pay him rapt attention,
While biding my time patiently until my blessed ascension.

I praise him in the morning and I praise him late at night,
While all the time believing path to POTUS? My birthright.
While Donald hires incompetents who otherwise can’t get work,
I offer my insights into him — on a Christian network.

But even though I know that my installment is God’s plan,
I launched a PAC, ensuring ample cash will be on hand.
While I am certain Jesus is securing my election,
Just like in church — they pass a basket weekly for collection.

While fellow evangelicals are waiting for the Rapture,
I know the highest office in the land is mine to capture.
So whether 2024, or right after the midterms,
I don’t mind waiting patiently. This blessing comes on His terms.

Once I become the President, I’ll (rightly) take a knee
And let God know just how much nearer I have got to thee.
I’ll meet with all the justices upon the Court Supreme,
And help stake out positions that are morally extreme.

And who will serve as Second-In-Command while I’m in office?
It must be someone sharing all my views; a choice most cautious.
But I’ve already found the perfect person; there’s no other:
Continuing to serve with me – my wife (whom I call “Mother”).

Whenever I am forced to meet with female heads of state,
My wife will be there by my side and will not hesitate
To push those wanton women to the side if they advance,
Thus blocking their attempts at trying to get into my pants.

Although I advocate positions held by the minority,
My faith remains unshaken in my moral superiority.
I serve Christ above everyone; my faith will serve Him well.
And for all those who don’t believe as I do – enjoy Hell.

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