It’s Easter, a time when the Christians are filled with compassion and joy, to the brim.
And all because Jesus rose up again. Well, y’know – I’ve had more comebacks than Him.
Declaring bankruptcy six times (so far), and right now I’m up to Wife Number Three.
People say Jesus was holy… But everyone says, “Holy shit!” about me.
I just spent the weekend at my house in Florida – oh, but it’s heaven on earth!
I bought Mar-A-Lago for cents on the dollar, as one more display of my worth.
Nobody’s estate is more gilded than mine; every fixture shines bright, like a jewel.
A place to retreat and play golf with the One-Percent; my kind of spiritual renewal.
Once Holy Week ended, I thought I’d use Twitter to show folks that I can be pious.
I wrote, “NO MORE DACA DEAL!” blaming the Dems and the Mexicans (not that I’m biased).
I also took credit for low unemployment; all due to me (not that I’m boastful).
And then I attacked both Jeff Bezos and Amazon; might say I went U.S. Postal.
The Fake News would have you believe I don’t tithe; keep my cookie-hand stuck in the jar.
But maybe you’ve heard of the trafficking rings I broke up – you can ask Roseanne Barr.
Apparently, I have been leading this effort in secret, which QAnon knew.
Quite frankly – I didn’t know either! But InfoWars said it, so maybe it’s true.
My critics say no moral leadership do I display; some think it is essential.
But nothing I’ve done seems to anger my base, so there’s no need to act presidential.
Less trouble to pass camels through needles’ eyes than to get all us rich folks to Heaven.
But dollars to donuts I’ll still make it in, even if I file bankruptcy seven.