The prices of steel and aluminum – maybe some cars – very likely are rising.
I’m putting in place some yuuge tariffs, despite voices strong with contrary advising.
I said I think trade wars are good, and they’re easy to win! We must fight to compete.
I’m willing to march into battle this time – no exemptions because of my feet.
Reaction was swift, with the EU responding before the next day on their clocks.
They shrewdly said bourbon and denim and Harleys would cost more once hitting their docks.
I sent out the head of the Commerce Department with further details to unwrap:
He said my decision was final about this, and then he went down for his nap.
Our jobs and our wealth have been given away, and to this I am putting a stop.
I’m going to sign an executive order as soon as it’s on my desktop.
Confusion why I’m going after our allies, and not focused on the Chinese?
Well, it’s because their time in office is finite – a system that’s quite unlike Xi’s.
And now I am saying it’s all pegged to our neighbors making some changes to NAFTA.
They must change the terms of that treaty – or else I will stick it to them if I hafta.
So what if the prices of beer, cars and candy – because of this action – skyrocket?
I don’t drink, I don’t drive – and since I’m a billionaire, I can afford to buy chocolate.
As I rolled out this plan, seems I caught certain folks on my treasury team by surprise.
I’ve heard reports claiming that Gary Cohn’s quitting – regardless, I just roll my eyes.
They said he was leaving before, after Charlottesville, when I defended neo-Nazis,
But, so far, he’s loyal – no matter how often he finds himself stuck on the hot seat.
I’ll use strong-arm tactics to hammer this out – no longer will I compromise.
As Wilbur Ross said, “This will happen this week… have no reason to think otherwise.”
While the stock market sinks, and our partners complain – I am going all in on this bet.
I’ll find all the backing I need for this as I watch Fox News on my TV set.